GOOD LINRES

1. Guitar, for sale....... Cheap...........no strings attached.

2. Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!

3. Seen on a bulletin board: Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.

4. When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.

5. My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... HE drinks straight out of the bottle.

6. Sign in a bar: "Those of you who are drinking to forget, please pay in advance."

7. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

8. Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

9. The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.

10. A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

11.I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants Black Coffee.

12. Getting caught is the mother of Invention.

13.Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep alone.

14.The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.

15.Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay: We need your heads to run our business.

16.Sign on a famous beauty parlor window: Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother.